Rollercoaster

What a rollercoaster ride we are on! Well, I think it is more of a rollercoaster for the rest of us and something of a subway ride for Jim. The rest of us see improvements in him every day but he wants everything to be back to normal immediately and doesn't seem to appreciate/recognize these.

Yesterday we seemed to take a few steps back. I don't know what the deal is. He was feeling nausea again and since we'd removed the Sancuso patch (used for nausea) he took some Zofran. He felt better almost immediately and shortly thereafter headed to the mall to walk with his mom. Suddenly the issues with riding in a car were back and the ride was hell. (He had not had these issues since the ride to his last radiation treatment. He also had not had Zofran since he took it for about 3 days in August and didn't like it.) He felt horrible the rest of the evening and couldn't bear to use the feeding tube. (This then causes him to stress more about the weight he has lost since treatment ended.) So last night we put a new Sancuso patch on him with the goal of curbing the nausea. Today he's back to feeling pain in his stomach area that is relieved by lying down. Or is it nausea? Or bowel issues? He can't tell the difference which makes it very difficult to figure out how to help him.

He's really down and in his words "can't see the light a the end of the tunnel" despite reassurances from the experts that he WILL get through this. He's also lucky to have Scott (from our church's cancer support group) and Cindy (from the Head & Neck Support Group) as mentors who have been through this themselves and recovered. Having people like this who are willing to share and assist is such a blessing. I myself am considering attending a support group for caregivers or seeking some other sort of assistance; this was easier for me back when he was seeing doctors every day and answers seemed more obvious. The pressure on me to fix things can be quite a load.

I fully expect the doctor to prescribe an anti-depressant for him today. Hopefully she can also provide some answers about what's been going on lately. (e.g. is some of this withdrawl from the pain patch? He did go off of that Saturday. Is the Buspar the cause of his restlessness and inability to sleep? etc.

Thanks for all the prayers - please keep 'em coming!